I've been kind of absent lately, but there is so much going on right now.
My sister is here for her wedding, I havent seen her in 4 years!!!
So I will be back full mode on april, there is a lot of good things going on at Los Cacaos that I am sure you will all be happy to hear about!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sharing
Until last week Bayo hasnt really been open about talking about the miscarriage, I mean he talks but tries to avoid the subject shutting down his feelings about it. I belong to a miscarriage december 2009 group and apparently is a commun behavior of the guys. I just let it go and wouldnt bring up the subject around him.
Last week he showed me something he wrote and I wanted to share it with all of you (with his consent, of course). Sorry if the translation is not that good :)
A drop of life died inside my wife, we loved it, no one wanted to spread it into the nothing, a drop of life brought us so much happiness for a couple of months and then went away without letting us know, in a sudden way, like a mute flower that withers, like a sordid wound that left us with his silent and subtle departure, the day I found out it existed my life changed deeply, I even wrote it a letter, it was what I desired the most, my life need it him… even if it looks like something else, I haven’t forgotten you, little piece of me… forgive me… now I get lost in this fear, I fell apart sometimes and others I try to live. Sometimes I wonder how you were, if you look like me or Vane, or if you were the perfect mix of both of us, sometimes I have to pretend I am tough so your mother can get over your lost, but in my loneliness is an empty father that has lost you and I suffer… I remember when I took you to the doctor and everything was fine… you know I loved you no matter what you were, that I was willing to change my life without thinking because you were born, my son I wanted to teach you so many things, come back, allow me to meet you… bring me back my life my dear… beloved prince… my universe is to have you cuddle between Vane and I… my biggest desire, my mayor realization. You won’t know how much I think of you, dream of you and need you. God should have waited until your mommy and I could have seen you… you are my whole world my son, come and justify me… come and complete your mommy… if only you would know the agony my soul has because I couldn’t give her a baby… your mommy is waiting for you… Vane is all life and only wishes to have you in her arms alive… I am life and I still love you before you can be… some day my little boy we will all be dead but it wont matter because life never ends… and I love you too much to forget you…
A father without his little prince… Bayo-10
Una gota de vida murió dentro de mi esposa, la queríamos, nadie quiso esparcirla en la nada, una gota de vida nos trajo tanta alegría por un par de meses y luego se fue sin avisar, de manera súbita, como una flor muda que se marchita como una sórdida herida como la que nos dejo con su silente y sutil partida, el día que supe que existía mi vida cambio profundamente, hasta le había hecho una carta, es que lo deseaba tanto, mi vida lo necesitaba…aunque parezca otra cosa, no te he olvidado, partecita de mi…perdóname…ahora en este miedo me pierdo, me desgarro a veces y otras trato de vivir. Me pregunto a veces como eras, si te parecías a mi o a Vane, o si eras la mezcla perfecta de los dos, a veces tengo que hacerme el duro para que tu madre supere tu perdida bien, pero en mi soledad queda un padre vacío que te ha perdido y sufro…recuerdo cuando te llevaba donde la doctora y todo iba bien…sabes que te amaba fueras lo que fueras, que cambiaria mi vida sin pensarlo por que hubieras nacido, hijo mío te he querido enseñar tantas cosas, vuelve, déjame conocerte…devuélveme la vida querido mío…principito amado…mi universo es tenerte acurrucado entre Vane y yo… es mi total anhelo, es mi realización mayor. No sabes lo que te pienso y te sueno y te necesito. Dios debió esperar hasta que te pudiéramos ver tu mami y yo…eres todo mi mundo hijo mío, ven y justifícame…ven y completa a tu mami…si supieras la angustia que llevo en mi alma por no haberle dado un bebe…tu mami te espera…Vane es toda vida y solo anhela tenerte vivo en sus manos…yo soy vida aun y te amo antes de que estés…algún día hijito estemos muertos pero no importa porque la vida no muere…te amo demasiado como para olvidarte…
Un padre sin principito…Bayo-10
Last week he showed me something he wrote and I wanted to share it with all of you (with his consent, of course). Sorry if the translation is not that good :)
A drop of life died inside my wife, we loved it, no one wanted to spread it into the nothing, a drop of life brought us so much happiness for a couple of months and then went away without letting us know, in a sudden way, like a mute flower that withers, like a sordid wound that left us with his silent and subtle departure, the day I found out it existed my life changed deeply, I even wrote it a letter, it was what I desired the most, my life need it him… even if it looks like something else, I haven’t forgotten you, little piece of me… forgive me… now I get lost in this fear, I fell apart sometimes and others I try to live. Sometimes I wonder how you were, if you look like me or Vane, or if you were the perfect mix of both of us, sometimes I have to pretend I am tough so your mother can get over your lost, but in my loneliness is an empty father that has lost you and I suffer… I remember when I took you to the doctor and everything was fine… you know I loved you no matter what you were, that I was willing to change my life without thinking because you were born, my son I wanted to teach you so many things, come back, allow me to meet you… bring me back my life my dear… beloved prince… my universe is to have you cuddle between Vane and I… my biggest desire, my mayor realization. You won’t know how much I think of you, dream of you and need you. God should have waited until your mommy and I could have seen you… you are my whole world my son, come and justify me… come and complete your mommy… if only you would know the agony my soul has because I couldn’t give her a baby… your mommy is waiting for you… Vane is all life and only wishes to have you in her arms alive… I am life and I still love you before you can be… some day my little boy we will all be dead but it wont matter because life never ends… and I love you too much to forget you…
A father without his little prince… Bayo-10
Una gota de vida murió dentro de mi esposa, la queríamos, nadie quiso esparcirla en la nada, una gota de vida nos trajo tanta alegría por un par de meses y luego se fue sin avisar, de manera súbita, como una flor muda que se marchita como una sórdida herida como la que nos dejo con su silente y sutil partida, el día que supe que existía mi vida cambio profundamente, hasta le había hecho una carta, es que lo deseaba tanto, mi vida lo necesitaba…aunque parezca otra cosa, no te he olvidado, partecita de mi…perdóname…ahora en este miedo me pierdo, me desgarro a veces y otras trato de vivir. Me pregunto a veces como eras, si te parecías a mi o a Vane, o si eras la mezcla perfecta de los dos, a veces tengo que hacerme el duro para que tu madre supere tu perdida bien, pero en mi soledad queda un padre vacío que te ha perdido y sufro…recuerdo cuando te llevaba donde la doctora y todo iba bien…sabes que te amaba fueras lo que fueras, que cambiaria mi vida sin pensarlo por que hubieras nacido, hijo mío te he querido enseñar tantas cosas, vuelve, déjame conocerte…devuélveme la vida querido mío…principito amado…mi universo es tenerte acurrucado entre Vane y yo… es mi total anhelo, es mi realización mayor. No sabes lo que te pienso y te sueno y te necesito. Dios debió esperar hasta que te pudiéramos ver tu mami y yo…eres todo mi mundo hijo mío, ven y justifícame…ven y completa a tu mami…si supieras la angustia que llevo en mi alma por no haberle dado un bebe…tu mami te espera…Vane es toda vida y solo anhela tenerte vivo en sus manos…yo soy vida aun y te amo antes de que estés…algún día hijito estemos muertos pero no importa porque la vida no muere…te amo demasiado como para olvidarte…
Un padre sin principito…Bayo-10
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentines Day
Happy Valentines Day!!
I'm not a huge fan of this holiday, but I can say I've been blessed with really good friends, girls that I love a lot.
Some are from my childhood... 
While others have become sisters to me!
I'm not a huge fan of this holiday, but I can say I've been blessed with really good friends, girls that I love a lot.
Some are from my childhood... While others have become sisters to me!Those are not my only friends, I have a couple more that are also really close and dear to me, but I just couldnt find pics of all of them.
Actually Bayo and I are really lucky to have wonderful people in our lives and we are thankfull for that!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
A good day...
Things have not been easy lately, I've been having my emotionals ups and downs, and I know it makes it even harder on Bayohan's feelings... who would have thought that healing was so hard, but it is, and we are making it work, one day at the time, and I feel more conected to my husband than ever.
But today was a good day, like the old times kind of day, we went out and got together with friends, just spend the afternoon having a good conversation with people we love and miss.
This is Ella, my sweet niece, and we got to spend the day with her and her parents (our friends).
We had a good day... actually a great one!
But today was a good day, like the old times kind of day, we went out and got together with friends, just spend the afternoon having a good conversation with people we love and miss.
This is Ella, my sweet niece, and we got to spend the day with her and her parents (our friends).We had a good day... actually a great one!
Friday, January 29, 2010
FFF- January Favorite
Sunday, January 24, 2010
again... in love
I took a couple of pics of my sweet godson, I was so sad that they were going to cut his hair, but he looks so cute!!!
This little boy steals my heart!
Again, I'm in love :)
This little boy steals my heart!
Again, I'm in love :)A picture of a picture...
I'm in Puerto Rico, just came here for a couple of days for issues related with the doctors that are going in april and bringing tons of equipment and medicine, yay!
Anyways I am staying at Fonsy's mom house (Bayo's aunt) and found this cute picture of Bayo and his cousins (Fonsy -Gabby's mom- is the wonder woman in the middle- and next to her is Bayo's other cousin and Fonsy's brother)
Here is why I took a picture of a picture, aint my boy cute (he is the one in the left) and I though this picture of him was so sweet, my sweet boy hasnt changed much :)
And compare Fonsy and Gabby's pics they look so much alike!
Anyways I am staying at Fonsy's mom house (Bayo's aunt) and found this cute picture of Bayo and his cousins (Fonsy -Gabby's mom- is the wonder woman in the middle- and next to her is Bayo's other cousin and Fonsy's brother)
Here is why I took a picture of a picture, aint my boy cute (he is the one in the left) and I though this picture of him was so sweet, my sweet boy hasnt changed much :)
And compare Fonsy and Gabby's pics they look so much alike!
