Spirit Baby

You may think I'm crazy but I'm kind of thinking this is true. That a baby you lost comes back when the time is right, that would mean Baby Bear and Liam are the same spirit, that he just wasnt ready at the time to come and so he came later. Maybe I just want to believe that so I dont have to miss him... but I do.
I cannot explain the amount of love I feel for Liam, the gratitude I have because he is here with me, sharing this earth, smiling everytime he sees me, but at the same time I feel sad, sad because I dont want to forget Baby Bear, I dont want to put him in the back of my mind, I want both babies here with me. But what if it's true and he is here? maybe I'm over thinking this...

Light a candle for Baby Bear

Today is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day!
Lets remember all our sweet babies by lighting a candle at 7pm.
This is in honor of my sweet Baby Bear, I will never forget you!

Forever In My Heart

Christmas and some thoughts...

I wanted to show you my Christmas tree this year, we went from blue and silver to the clasic red and green and I love it!

We also have cute bear lights, with Santa hats (my mom started calling Bayo a bear a year ago and I felt in love with the nickname, so now a have an everything bear obsesion).

Another reason for the bear lights was that this was Baby Bear tree and I had this cute ornaments on to make it a theme...

They say Dad and Mom in spanish, and I got them the day I found out I was pregnant, when I got home at Los Cacaos I took them off, Bayo said he thought about doing the same but didnt because we are still a mommy and daddy, I took them off anyways...

Today I found this beautiful poem by an unknown author:

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes

And prayed to God today,

I asked, "What makes a Mother?"

And I know I heard him say:

A Mother has a baby,

This we know is true

But, God, can you be a mother

When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied

With confidence in his voice,

I give many women babies,

When they leave it is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,

And others for the day,

And some I send to feel your womb,

But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,

I want my baby here.

He took a breath,

and cleared his throat,

And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you,

What your child is doing Here...

If you could see your child smile

With other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons

of love and life and fear,

but My mommy loved me so much

I got to come straight here!"

I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,

I learned my lessons very quickly,

My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much

But I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep,

On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,

And whisper in her ear,

"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,

I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one,

Your children are okay.

Your babies are here in My home,

And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,

Until your lessons there are through,

And on the day that you come home,

they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see

What makes a Mother,

It's the feeling in your heart,

It's the love you had so much of

Right from the very start.

I cried when I read this and could understand what Bayo said, we are still a mommy and daddy even if we dont get to hold our baby in our arms cause we hold him in our hearts forever, and some day we'll be able to have a sweet baby to care for and love until we get to meet our other angel.

So when I get back to Los Cacaos on monday I am getting them on my tree again, because we are still Papa and Mama to our sweet baby bear and to our future children!

Sad

The ultrasound showed no heartbeat, the doctor told me the baby stopped growing.
I am really sad and confused, I dont get it, the baby measures the time I have (8 weeks) so there SHOULD be a heartbeat, but there isnt, I am not sure what to think, if it is a dimised it happened a couple days ago?!
We are really sad...

Hopefully my last day of bedrest :)

It's already monday here so in exactly 10 hours I will get my ultrasound, unfortunately I dont get to go to Los Cacaos tomorrow, because Bayo will pick me up on thursday :(
Fonsy will be joining me for the ultrasound tomorrow so that I dont go nuts on the waiting room, lol!!
Again please pray for tomorrow, we are really nervous :/

Journey of a bedrest: day 19

Only 2 days to go...
Can you belive that I could get out of here in 2 days :)
But I have to wait for Bayo to pick me up and go to my drs appoinment before I leave to Los Cacaos, he's been talking about coming tuesday instead of thursday, if that is the case my appoinment is open and I can change it and be out of here sooner :)
Please pray for a healthy heartbeat on that ultrasound and for Bayo to be able to make it here before.

Journey of a bedrest: day 17

Only 4 days to go...
Friends are blessings!!
Today Fonsy kept me company, after Bayo left (he came home for our anniversary) and we had such a nice time just talking and talking :) She also gave me some sweet things for baby bear, materny clothes and brought me Eclipse (the book) to keep me bussy until I leave!
My bedrest is supposed to end monday but I will have to stay until thursday because my appoinment with the doctor is that day!
And guess who came with her??? Gabby the walker :) he took his first steps yesterday and came over to show off, with walking onesis and all!!

Journey of a bedrest: day 14

Only 7 days to go...

Meet Baby Bear...

He has change a lot and now he hangs with a different group!

He is the size of a blueberry!

Journey of a bedrest: day 12

Only 9 days to go...


Having to give yourself a shot is not fun!!!
I've been doing it for 4 weeks (every saturday a progesterone shot) and I dont know why it gets harder every week, like I already know what to expect and that scares me beforehand :/ Progesterone is oily so I get a huge bruise everytime!!!
And to think people say I have a good hand to give shots, they always ask for me when a kid is getting one, but I am not that good on myself, LOL!!!

Journey of a bedrest: day 11

Only 10 days to go...
We are half way there!!! YAY!!!
Bayo left today, but I got to spend some much needed times with my sweet hubby!
and just in time when I finished the books I was reading I recieved in the mail my What to expect when you're expecting book so I will have something to keep me entertain until my pics arive :)
Bayo also bought me a bag of pistachio nuts so I am one happy girl!!!

Journey of a bedrest: day 10

Only 11 days to go...
God really knows when we cant make it anymore and always comes to the recue :)
Yesterday was a really bad day for me so he decided to send me a little gift today in the form of my sweet hubby who is here not only for a quick visit, but until tomorrow!!!
Ohh the small things we sometimes take for granted.
Here in DR we dont have thanksgiving but I have so much to be thankful for!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

Journey of a bedrest: day 9

Only 12 days to go...
Today has been a hard one for me, I dont know if it is the hormones that got me on an emotional rollercoaster or what?!!
Please pray that I dont go insane until I get my ultrasound on the 10th and please pray for a strong heartbeat!
By the way the bleeding stopped since that first incident so it is not that, but being a doctor allows me to know way to much information on bad scenarios and I just can help thinking about it, we already love Baby Bear more than words can express!

Journey of a bedrest: day 8

Only 13 days to go...
I was on an ugly mood these past days, but Bayo came to visit me and made me all better again, lol, I feel like I am in high school!
Now I am looking forward to catching up with my scrapbooking :) I had all my behind photos printed out (some are from June 08', yes, I am that behind), Fonsy will bring them Dec 1st from Puerto Rico (she went home for thanksgiving and here in Dominican Republic printing over 200 pictures is expensive and walgreen does them for 0.15 cents!!) and I plan to get up to date, all 32 projects!
I dont want to have to do the baby scrapbook with some left behind things, and I have a lot of material to work with!!
So I have something to look forward to :)

Journey of a bedrest: day 7

Only 14 days to go...
Meet Baby Bear...

He is the size of a lentil bean!

Journey of a bedrest: day 6

Only 15 days to go...
Again I would rather have a weekday here! But dont worry I wont complain the whole post, ha!
Like some sugestions I've received here :) I've been reading a lot, right now I am finishing the memory keeper's daughter, so far I like the book, it is not my type of book, but it is a great novel anyways.
I'm waiting for my What to expect when you are expecting book, I've read both really good and really bad reviews for it, I am basically just buying, reading it for fun/tradition, any thoughs on the book if you have read it?
Any good book sugestion or webpages to download good books?

Journey of a bedrest: day 5

Only 16 days to go...
Today has been a really long one, I am actually prefering weekdays instead of weekends here on bedrest land :/ there is more on tv on weekdays or at least they have a schedule!
Internet proves to be good/bad for me, it can calm me down or put me on my nerves LOL!!!
Bayo calls several times a day to ask for baby bear, not me, he specifically ask for baby bear (he uses a diferent nickname), wich I think is the cutest thing, he really is excited!
Things are going so well that I am beginning to think I dont really need to be in bed, but dont worry I will stay here until I get my dr's approval :)

Journey of a bedrest: day 4

Only 17 days to go...
I changed my pijamas :) who would have though that not doing anything all day could get your pijamas dirty :p
So now I am wearing some yellow chicken pjs, with chicks rules al over them! I hope if baby bear is a boy he doesnt get offended!

FFF- Thankful

I am thankful that after the scary incident this is still hanging at my mother's door:

It says "Grandma I love you a lot", it was my way of letting her know about our sweet baby bear!

We are really thankful the spoting stoped and we are looking forward to a healthy heartbeat on our next ultrasound.

Journey of a bedrest: day 3

Only 18 days to go...Here I am on my bed (of course) trying out my new camera!!!! cause look at what I got in the mail today: My Baby Be Mine Maternity Band, to help expand my pre pregnancy pants, and I am really happy with the quality of the fabric!
I know my belly is not that big yet but I couldnt help getting it :) plus who knows when it will start growing, gotta be prepared!

My brand new Coolpix L20 camera from Nikon, it is still a point and shoot and we DO want a better camera, but for now this will work great!

And finally my Belly Book, it is a great pregnancy journal, just for the belly, I love it and already started filling it in!

So today is actually an exciting day here at bedrest land, and we are happy to report ZERO bleeding since the first scary episode :) Couldnt be happier!